If you open a shopping platform and start searching for the words "erotic lingerie", you will find that the comments underneath the products are all similar, except for women who talk about how their husbands or boyfriends like the clothes they are wearing and even "come home early" because of it. So they are ready to buy more to please their partners.

Having seen the above, I certainly don't deny that erotic lingerie can bring two people in a relationship closer together. What I regret, however, is that these women do not mention how they feel about it, whether they appreciate their unique bodies and whether they are comfortable in it, which makes me wonder if they don't really like to wear it, but only to attract their partners.

Body anxiety made me used to wearing long clothes and trousers

The idea of buying erotic lingerie has actually crossed my mind more than once.

Whenever I see unsolicited private photos of girls on social media platforms, such as them in sexy erotic lingerie, followed by lazily lying on the bed and then posing in very provocative positions, it often makes me sigh with emotion - "What a beautiful body a girl has! "

But this kind of heartfelt admiration and compliment would only be used on other girls, but I could not say it openly to myself in front of the mirror. Since I grew up with a strong dislike for my body, I used to wear long clothes and trousers in the hope that I could curl up under them and not be noticed by anyone.

In primary school, when none of the girls in the class had started to develop and the teachers did not teach me anything about physiology, I was the only one in the class with a bulging chest. But this difference not only drew surprised looks from the other women, but also inspired boys to make derisive remarks about me, making me feel like a "monster" who was at a loss for words.

As well as the nuisance of my breasts, I was also getting more and more body hair. Maybe other girls had white, smooth hands and legs, but for some reason, my body hair was growing uncontrollably, flourishing like a spring, dark and hard on my skin.

So, on those nights when I couldn't sleep, I would secretly take my father's razor and carefully shave. At the same time, I started stuffing my underwear with tissue paper to try to suppress the growth of my breasts. Eventually, I would wear long, thick coats and trousers when I went out, wrapping them tightly around my waist so that all changes in my body would not be noticed by my classmates.

However, this kind of dressing was only appropriate in winter; after all, it was freezing cold and everyone was dressed extra heavily so as not to draw attention to themselves. But in summer, when all the other students wore short sleeves, shorts and skirts, I still dressed in a thunderous way, being so hot that I could only keep wiping the dripping sweat and was afraid that my sweat smell would affect others.

Living in this state of depression and anxiety for so long, I never felt confident enough; although sometimes I looked forward to wearing new clothes, I didn't know where to find them or who to wear them to. What was even more distressing was that I couldn't look at myself in front of the mirror, so bloated, not tall or thin enough, and naturally not worthy of wearing those beautiful clothes.

For me at the time, beauty was all about the female models on TV, especially those Vogue models. They had tall bodies, with mesmerising faces, and a smile that made your heart flutter. So, as I became more and more envious of their bodies and started searching for the lingerie they wore, I accidentally found "erotic lingerie".

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